Gandalf's Inhaler 12

Alex is actually in a long black woolen coat which is longer than my own and a different colour and I don’t know why I think of this when I really want to just strip him off it when we walk into a music store and it’s like a shrine of The Arctic Monkey and the new solo project, My Last Shadow Puppet. He doesn’t seem like a bad guy or a threat, but I am allowed to dislike him intensely and in the end, he lost Alex.

I start raiding through the pop section randomly to distract myself which picks up Alex off guard and I wonder, how would it be to lose Alex?

Would he just break up with me?

What the fuck would he say?

It wouldn’t be me unless he cheated on me, that’s fair enough or deceived me but in what way

how the fuck would he deceive me?

“Al!” And we both instantly turn our heads to see a man my height in a yellow and black stripped bright scarf and bright green eyes, grinning and waving at my biology teacher. 

“Shit.” Alex whispers and I have to thank the heavens that we’re not making out or holding hands. I recognize Ezra and he recognizes Alex and I see the feeling which covers his eyes and I start taking out random pop CDs and staring at them, holding them far too tight and Alex takes a step away from me, which feels like a mile and Ezra approaches us. Then the lovestruck lost lover notices me and he points at me then at Al.

“You guys together?” He asks curiously which causes both me and Alex to quickly stare at each other, Alex quickly opens his mouth and I just violently shake my head, it’s that moment when you want to slam the phone down and you order a pizza from another place for the rest of your life. Ezra blinks even more confused. “I mean, you guys hanging out?”

“Oh.” Alex sticks his hands deep in his pockets and faces me. “Oh, no, he’s just my student. We just bumped into each other and...”

He holds a brief pause.

“I really wanted to know my grade-”

“He wanted to know what was on the test.” We say it both at the same time, causing Ezra to tilt his head and look at both of us. Alex thankfully picks it up and turns towards me. “Both. I’m not telling him either, right, Miles, no cheating.”

“Shit.” Maybe I’m overreacting but that causes a small chuckle from Ezra. I see him glance at Alex’s lips and I take another CD and put it in front of ABBA for some reason and then put it back. Shit, shit, shit. I see the Economics teacher nod towards the door, but Alex pretends to ignore it, so he shuffles a bit. 

“I mean. You wanna hang out, Al?” He asks, worried and waiting for a positive answer as I wonder if I should walk away, but I play the nosy student instead. Alex starts rocking on his heels and I see he’s buying time, he glances around for a clock and I want to shove my phone in his face and Ezra just looks at him hopefully. 

“Um, I kind of promised to meet me mom.” He says, relieved that he is getting out some excuse, but that doesn’t stop Ezra.

“Oh, cool, I haven’t see your parents for a while.” I think I scratched a CD box with my nails, instead I take a step closer to Al, which actually is towards different CDs as I believe I’ve seen everyone’s face by now. I take a random CD and look at the back of it, not even knowing the artist. 

What the fuck does he mean

Alex never told me Ezra knew his parents.

Shit.

“Um. She’s ill, I mean, mom, so... she, I need to help and yeah, then she’ll feel bad that she’s just in bed.” He mutters and mumbling the words, glancing at me for help, but I’m too busy with the bunch of ABBA CDs which I decided to put in front of every row for the fuck of it and Alex smirks lightly, observing me before turning his glance at a hopeful Ezra. 

“Oh...” He gives out a nervous laugh. “‘Course. Um, I guess tell her to get better and yeah. What about Monday, Al?”

Great, no Sunday, I-

Monday? Shit.

Alex still holds a pause and picks up an ABBA CD himself.

“Yeah, cool, we can meet up before I start the lessons. I just have afternoon ones, so around ten cool with you?” He smiles at him and I wonder how close had they been and even if I’m the chosen, I feel uncomfortable. 

“It’s fine, I get it and yeah, Monday’s cool. Stop ditching me, Turner. I’m sorry for...” Alex shrugs harshly and looks down.

“It’s fine, Ezra, I mean it. We’ve discussed it when you came over last night.” He swallows and I feel even more uncomfortable when Ezra kisses Alex on the cheek. Alex flinches like burnt but they quickly glance at each other when Ezra pulls back.

“Right, I’ll be off, Al.” And he turns around, loosing up the scarf and exiting the store. Alex turns around and starts browsing through the CDs and I see that he got a bit flushed and I sigh, waiting for him to say anything.

“He came last night.” He starts before I act on my thought of leaving and putting on a conclusion that Ezra might have been indeed the right Gandalf for him. “He asked me why didn’t I make a move and I had told him, that well... I don’t think it’ll work out and I’m tired of walking in circles, when he’s not even with me. He left saying that he won’t give up... and I guess he’s not.”

I still stare at his kissed cheek.

“Shit, Miles, I’m sorry, I went after him for a whole damn year, I’m sorry, look, I’m sorry, I just know you properly for three days.” He snaps protectively and I just nod, looking at the floor and at his boots. 

“Right. Of course, Alex. Sure, that’s why you fucking said...” I glance at the door, Ezra is long gone. I don’t need that wanker on my tail. “I love you.”

Alex tries to grab my hand. I shake it off and I push past him, feeling irritated at both of the on and off lovers. What if he was lying and he had slept with him as well. It dawns on me.

“Oh grand, so first you saw Ezra, discussed something and then you fucked me. Grand. Why don’t you juggle a third bloke, as well, then?” I turn around and snap at him and he just stares at me before walking towards me. He hesitates for a while and pulls me into a kiss. It’s a bit too angry and I pull away.

“I’m sorry, I just happened to crawl out of one relation to another. Look, I love you and I fucking meant it and I’m fucking with you right now, tha knows? I’m not with Ezra and frankly I’ve never loved him and I’ve never loved anyone else before. And it’s ok if you don’t want me back. I’m ok with it, you were the one who came to mine’s.” Alex’s words sting and I know I need him. I just shrug and I turn around, pushing the door open to outside and I’m happy not to see Ezra anywhere and I wonder if Alex is deep in his thoughts and I wonder if he also loves Alex.

My biology teacher follows me and he’s just as silent as I am, as we keep walking.

“I’m sorry.” He says and we stop in a close. I look up and I see the lack of windows.

“Funny.” I’ve got his attention. “I like closes. I guess with seagulls, that’s something that I miss about living in the other city where I had college.”

“Yeah, they’re nice.” Alex says.

“You sure suck at apologizing, though.” I smirk and Alex just shrugs. 

“I can raise you a grade on a test, is that good, enough?” He smirks.

“Do I need it, though?” I should really stop flattering myself. 

“No.” He smiles. “Thank you for declining, I don’t want to get fired for corruption and sexual relationships with a student. I think one is enough already.”

I smirk and nod, shrugging the thought away that technically I am in trouble again only this time for something I’ve actually done and I wonder if people were to find out, would we be taken harsher than a heterosexual romance? After all, I will never say that even if the law is written and homophobia is illegal, that it works, teachers are still above you, just like you can’t put the racist politicians behind bars, because they’ll never have enough evidence in the eyes of law against them. It’s funny it’s like a Kafka novel. Actually, life is a Kafka novel, only you don’t realize that you’re the bug, but everyone is disgusted by you and in the end they’ll take the train. 

Alex takes my wrist and then I feel his hand sliding down to intertwine my fingers with his. He turns around.

“Look, I feel awful, I’m sorry, I just... I was literally running after him for a fucking year and frankly, he’s never even kissed my cheek like this. I’m sorry. If I cared or if you were some place holder, I’d leave you and honestly I would have never considered you, but I do. I fucking do. I love you.” I see that for both of us the word combination is foreign, but we still mean it and even if sounds weird to say, it still brings the fire to both of us. “And even if you would want to get rid of me, I won’t go and well, I’ve still got you a few times a week-”

“And?” I smirk, nodding him to go on.

“I’d just fuck you at some point over the tables.” He confesses and takes out a box of cigarettes and hands me one. He lights mine first and then lights his off pressing his against my own, giving me a light wink. For once I’m happy of my height. 

“Oh, grand, you’ve also thought about it?” I smirk. I exhale, trying to do a smoke ring and failing to which Alex does one himself and I push him lightly with my other hand, not letting go of the other one with the cigarette in my mouth. “I really thought I’d have to stare at you with angst to make you notice me and at the end of the year, you’d tell me it’s inappropriate.” 

“Oh, I get it.” Alex takes a deep drag and then pins me against the wall, blowing smoke in my face. “Like this?”

My breath stops and he presses himself fully against me and I feel his boner even through all these layers and I look at his dark eyes, smirking at me but still heavily dipped in love. 

“Miles, I think this is highly inappropriate?” And he says that, glancing down at my lips and leaning in, his breath against mine and I close my eyes for the kiss, but instead he leans back, laughing.

“Wanker.”

-

I am so sleepy and I feel guilty for this short chapter but while writing it a bunch of things I haven't thought of appeared such as Ezra kissing Alex on the cheek and the short fight-ish thing between Miles and Alex. Also I thought I had mentioned that Alex and Ezra talked before Miles came back, so I was happy to write that which was odd, coz I really thought I had xD

The scene with Ezra was thought and I was looking forward to it so much and it had changed obviously as I was writing it and I was anxious coz I was so excited to finally put Ezra back in :D I even had a photo of Ezra to motivate me with said scarf xD 

I used tha knows and I'm proud.

The ABBA cds came from me and gf being in a music store which had a Swedish music section and like they had so so many ABBA cds xD 

I love them and I'd write more but I need to sleep and I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do, I hope xD

anyway

I've decided

It will be NANOWRIMO this year

and dun dun dun

you get to see the story as it goes, basically what's going to happen is, I'll be writing a new Milex but the others won't be dropped, only now I'll be juggling three of them really xD and now with Nano on my back I can guarantee you the chapters will come faster xD I will have no choice XD

<3