Everything about my death seems tragic, up to the point of standing up from my own body, blowing smoke without cigarettes and the last thoughts of how else I would have died.
Anyone who says that they never thought of dying, would be lying.
There is nothing wrong with being suicidal, never loving anyone and taking a bunch of meds which screw you up even more.
It’s funny that I still live after my death, alone, deserted, sitting on a bench,
I wonder about women, how they always have some fancy interest and we, males, just want to shut them up, yet we would take about the same subject passionately with other men, so that makes me wonder, that makes me wonder,
where did we go wrong,
where did I go wrong.
But I’m not dead, I’m just tipping over twenty and I can already see a loop around my neck or a car showing me the last light which will blind the tunnel and everything will be white until it fades.
I see voices, I can see them shift colours, as if I am high, with no emotion and I hear noises all the time, sometimes they are birds, sometimes I feel them peck my hair, yet I do nothing.
I don’t bother to shave anymore as I don’t see anyone, I just have some visitors and I let them in to sleep over the night, some myth of America still alive in my thoughts and in the tourists, the kitchen is open and people manage to cook things all over and over again, giving me some omelette, maybe I do look like a mess, just what my parents had said, before I left.
Some people say that Big Brother will come and then, you won’t be able to disappear so freely, so I keep reading Kafka again, wondering what had inspired me back then and I actually call the motel Colony, but no one gets the reference or gets scared.
People think I’m dead and I wonder if I am, because I’m just gone and I think someone is hallucinating a death.
Sometimes I wonder what I survive on, as people just stay here one night and without medication the colours are too bright and sometimes I watch the news on loop.
-
And yes, this is linked to Ian's Ghost, obviously.
My results come in on Tuesday, but I still do one story a day (cackles viciously)
Is Ian dead? Is Ian alive? (cackle, cackle, cackle)
Feel free to request :D
<3
Anyone who says that they never thought of dying, would be lying.
There is nothing wrong with being suicidal, never loving anyone and taking a bunch of meds which screw you up even more.
It’s funny that I still live after my death, alone, deserted, sitting on a bench,
I wonder about women, how they always have some fancy interest and we, males, just want to shut them up, yet we would take about the same subject passionately with other men, so that makes me wonder, that makes me wonder,
where did we go wrong,
where did I go wrong.
But I’m not dead, I’m just tipping over twenty and I can already see a loop around my neck or a car showing me the last light which will blind the tunnel and everything will be white until it fades.
I see voices, I can see them shift colours, as if I am high, with no emotion and I hear noises all the time, sometimes they are birds, sometimes I feel them peck my hair, yet I do nothing.
I don’t bother to shave anymore as I don’t see anyone, I just have some visitors and I let them in to sleep over the night, some myth of America still alive in my thoughts and in the tourists, the kitchen is open and people manage to cook things all over and over again, giving me some omelette, maybe I do look like a mess, just what my parents had said, before I left.
Some people say that Big Brother will come and then, you won’t be able to disappear so freely, so I keep reading Kafka again, wondering what had inspired me back then and I actually call the motel Colony, but no one gets the reference or gets scared.
People think I’m dead and I wonder if I am, because I’m just gone and I think someone is hallucinating a death.
Sometimes I wonder what I survive on, as people just stay here one night and without medication the colours are too bright and sometimes I watch the news on loop.
-
And yes, this is linked to Ian's Ghost, obviously.
My results come in on Tuesday, but I still do one story a day (cackles viciously)
Is Ian dead? Is Ian alive? (cackle, cackle, cackle)
Feel free to request :D
<3
Interesting! I find it very reliable as Ian, and also from what I've heard of people who talk to ghosts, your afterlife isn't far off either. XD
ReplyDeleteThanks :D any compliment now feels amazing as I'm currently feeling horrible due to the situation.
ReplyDeleteFeel free to request as usual:)
<3